The Reasons of Conflicts in the Relationships between Parents and Children

Abstract

The purpose of this article is finding out the problem of maladaptive family relationships between parents and senior schoolchildren which are usually characterized by the severity of conflicts which have being arisen, by blocking of their constructive resolution, the exacerbation of intra-family alienation.

Methods of the research. The following theoretical methods of the research were used to solve the tasks formulated in the article: a categorical method, structural and functional methods, the methods of the analysis, systematization, modeling, generalization. Method of interviewing was used as empirical one.

The results of the research. In order to find out the causes of conflicts between senior pupils and their parents we organized a pilot research based on the questionnaire «Reasons of conflicts between senior schoolchildren and their parents» developed by us. The questionnaire was proposed for 355 senior pupils from Kyiv, Rivne and Mykolaiv. From the point of view of youth, conflicts with parents are not the main problem in this age. Based on a survey of a representative group of 16-year-old pupils, about a third part of them (about 27% of schoolgirls and 29% of male schoolchildren) found disputes, considerable differences of opinion with parents, rejection of criticism as the reason for conflicts. At the same time, only a few pupils completely reject the views of parents, who are called as «old ones» (8% of schoolgirls and 13% of male senior pupils). For 33% of schoolgirls and 27% of male schoolchildren, criticism and controversy do not apply to all spheres of their life, but mainly to clothing, hairstyles and evenings at home. Senior pupils who use psychoactive substances have significantly more conflict situations than healthy ones. Disputes with parents are the most important negative factor that hinders the development of senior pupils (35% of male respondents and 28% of female). At the same time, 26% of schoolgirls and 31% of male pupils suggested that learning problems led to drug use, delinquency, symptoms of stress and low self-esteem.

Conclusions. It is during the period of maladaptation, for example, when the mother and the child are deprived of one of the possibilities of resolving conflict situations, which in a certain period of time were real, such as: facilitating the relationships through the intervention of the third person – an aunt, a grandmother and some others. As a rule, in this case, throughout the subsequent life of the existence of good and loving the third person helps to compensate for the joyless moments that take place in the relationships with the «other one»; this attitude greatly neutralizes the child’s aggression and significantly eliminates the emergence of fear. In a family where a child takes psychoactive substances, the conflict with a mother or a father (or both of them) becomes extraordinary. In addition, the child’s communication with the father is perceived by the mother as a situation of relief. But if the mother is divorced, then everything becomes much more complicated, and if the child, after arguing with her, suddenly tries to call the father, the mother may get very angry and shout at the child: «Well, go to live with your dad!» Emotionally agitated mothers usually do not understand what they are doing with this phrase, resorting to this kind of method as a struggle is; moreover, the child will feel defeated, and he / she feels a satisfaction – his / her goal has been achieved. At the same time, the child begins to realize that the mother tells him / her to «get out», and the father is already almost have lost her, and then the mother says that she does not need the child at all. Thus, the child «is cornered», and he / she is in despair experiencing the hopelessness of this situation, feels anger towards the mother. Therefore, it is no coincidence that such children begin to look for another, important for them social microgroup, which leads to dependence on the use of psychoactive substances.